Goat Fucker

You’ve been to every pet store, every shelter, and every godforsaken farm within a hundred miles, but nothing compares to the way this goat looks at you from the pen. She’s got eyes like melted caramel and a bleat that makes your heart skip a beat. You’re standing there, slack-jawed, as the farmer explains that she’s not for sale. But you know this is destiny. A forbidden romance waiting to blossom. So, you slip him an extra hundred and walk away with your new best friend.

Back at your place, things get intense. She’s nibbling at the sofa, and you’re nervously playing with your hands. You want to make a move but don't know how. You decide to start slow. You pop open a bottle of wine and pour yourself a glass. For her, a big bowl of fresh alfalfa. You turn on some Barry White and dim the lights, trying to set the mood. She doesn’t seem impressed, but you know it takes time. You both sip and chew in silence, the tension between you thick enough to cut with a knife.

Days go by, and you’re both inseparable. You take her to the park, to the movies, even to meet your mother, who is, understandably, concerned. She gives you that look—the one that says, “What the hell are you doing with a goat?” But you don’t care. Love is love, and you’re in deep. You lie in bed at night, her by your side, thinking about the future: a little farm somewhere, maybe a few baby goats. The possibilities are endless. And as you drift off to sleep, you know that nothing in this world has ever felt so right.

Description:

It's a bar of soap. Its rectangular. This one's dark tan. There's none of that stupid textured top bullshit. You use it to clean yourself you disgusting shit-heel. It weighs about 4.1 ounces, it's like 2.25 inches tall, 3.5 inches wide, and 1 inch thick. It's a lot bigger than your tiny little cock.

Ingredients:

Since you're such a fucking pussy and need to know every goddamn detail 🙄

Saponified: Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Organic Coconut Oil, Organic Shea Butter, Avocado Oil

Goat Milk, Colloidal Oatmeal, Kaolin Clay

Essential Oils: Amyris, Tangerine